As Kurt Vonnegut so eloquently put it, “How embarrassing to be human”. I have been realizing lately how much I have taken for granted. I am embarrassed. While I am not pleased 100% of the time with my life and what it has brought me, I have, in my own unique way, been blessed. I have been sick for a few months now- something that started out like Bronchitis. I spent the first week of December in the hospital and found out that I have congestive heart failure caused by a virus that attacked my heart. What are the odds? I will be on meds for the rest of my life, a low salt diet,and no alcohol. The doctors wont know for about six months whether or not the meds will fix my heart or if I will ultimately need a transplant. I am hoping for the former. At first, as anyone would be, I was just annoyed with my bad luck and the fact that this totally puts a damper on my year and definitely on my style :)…I have since come to realize how lucky I am that they found the problem before it was too late. The doctor told me that had I exercised or put anymore stress on my heart in the condition it was in, I would have died. There are so many times I have gone out and just drank the night away or ran around town until 3 in the morning and as fun as that is, I am just going to have to find other things to do to fill my time and enjoy myself. So here is to a healthy, low key, no salt- year filled with plenty of books,board games and even more appreciation.
And after the storm, I run and run as the rains come And I look up, I look up, on my knees and out of luck, I look up. Night has always pushed up day You must know life to see decay But I won’t rot, I won’t rot Not this mind and not this heart, I won’t rot. And I took you by the hand And we stood tall, And remembered our own land, What we lived for. And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair. And now I cling to what I knew I saw exactly what was true But oh no more. That’s why I hold, That’s why I hold with all I have. That’s why I hold. I will die alone and be left there. Well I guess I’ll just go home, Oh God knows where. Because death is just so full and mine so small. Well I’m scared of what’s behind and what’s before. And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair. And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
Adele- Rolling in the Deap The Arcade Fire- Wake Up, Neon Bible Avett Brothers- Head Full of Doubt/Road full of Promise Band of Horses- The Funeral Beck- Modern Guilt Bloc Party- Modern Love The Blow- Come on Petunia Bon Iver- Skinny Love Brandi Carlile- Over You, That Year, Shadow on the Wall, Tragedy Brad Oberhofer- I Could Go Cat Power- Metal Heart Cinematic Orchestra- To Build a Home Coldplay- Fix you, Viva La Vida Damien Rice- 9 Crimes, Prague Death Cab- Grapevine Fires DeVotchKa- How It Ends Feist- I Feel it All Florance + The Machine- Cosmic Love, Dog Days are Over Ingrid Michaelson- Highway, Starting Now James Blunt- Goodbye My Lover Jenny Owen Young- Fuck Was I Johnny Cash- Hurt Jose Gonzales- Heartbeats Kate Nash- Merry Happy Katie Herzig- Charlie Chaplin, Wish You Well, Hologram King Charles- We Didn’t Start the Fire Kings of Leon- Ragoo LCD Soundsystem- Dance Yourself Clean Lily Allen- Who’d Have Known Lucy Schwartz- Life in Letters Mat Kearney- All I Need, Renaissance Matt and Kim- Daylight, Cameras MGMT- Time to Pretend Mirah- The Garden Mumford and Sons- Little Lion Man, Awake my Soul, After the Storm Passion Pit- Seaweed Song The Postal Service- Marching Bands of Manhattan, Sleeping In, We Will Become Silhouettes Radiohead- No Surprises, Karma Police Ray Lamontagne- Be Here Now Sufjan Stevens- The Perpetual Self, Chicago Vampire Weekend- The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance…
“At some point though, the disorientation fades. You put it behind you; go on. There is an adventure waiting. Life happening. It’s not your life, but it’s as close as you’ll get.”—Anderson Cooper in Dispatches From The Edge
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”—Jack Kerouac’s On The Road